The Writer I Want to Be

I loved language because it was beautiful. But most importantly, language is so powerful. I want to be a better thinker and an inspiring writer.

I love language. It’s beautiful. Reciting poems and lyrics, writing short stories, exchanging journals with friends... Yes I did all that. I used to hand out booklets of my stories to friends for the new year's day. My high school journal used to be circulated around, gaining enough popularity in and outside the school. Yes I did all that.

Those golden days were long gone. In retrospect, the writing technique wasn’t particularly plausible. My writing “career” didn’t earn me higher grades - in fact I sucked at argumentative writing. I was too shy to show my journal to the adults, including my mom. My popularity was confined to my fellow school kids because, according to them, I wrote something real and daring, something raw but sincere, something deep from my heart that other kids could resonate. Till today some of my closest friends would still get an thoughtful and humorous letter from me talking about life, about love, about our career path... but I feel inadequate to expose my writing to the public, just like how I was wary of adults reading my high school journal. Those sounding passages I wrote to my close friends just won’t translate well if displayed on a blog.

I know my problem: I’m scared of an unknown audience. How could someone unaware of my circumstances not misinterpret my words? How can I write something that’s true to my feeling yet not trivial or irrelevant to others?

Ultimately I want to be a better thinker. I find thinking and writing correlated tightly with each other. Better critical and creative thinking surely promotes better writing; What less obvious is writing helps with thinking too.

I consider myself an erudite learner. A broad knowledge base has helped me to be more critical and logical. Many times I could see through the matters to the essence. But a broad knowledge base also left my mind just a bit too open. When I tried to articulate my points to convince people, my language went pale. I would debate with myself from multiple angles, making references from all kinds of sources, until I get lost in the ocean of conflicting arguments.

Is it that my articulation was too weak to match my thoughts, or is it because my thoughts weren't strong enough to be articulated? I think it's both. This is a chicken and egg question. I want to be a better writer so I can think better. I also need to be a better thinker to write better.

I loved language because it was beautiful. But most importantly, language is so powerful. I want to be a better thinker and an inspiring writer.